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===== LG's Hip Replacement Delirium (pre Bellingham Bay Rough Water Race) =====

\\
**BBRWR and my dreams…….\\
Larry Goolsby** \\
03/02/12 #12144

I'm not going to be able to make it to Shane's slideshow or down to Fairhaven the following morning to watch the race. Last night started out just like the others; I laid out my nightly supply of pain meds and stool softeners before being lifted into bed by my girlfriend. In case you just tuned in, I had hip surgery on Monday and I'm milking it for every dime I can. Wednesday night was uneventful so I won't bore you with that. Thursday night however, is the night that should be seriously analyzed. Maybe it was the lack of drugs or maybe it was the fact that Paul Clement was going to be sitting in my seat in my tandem surfski on Saturday morning. Not that I'm jealous (just mad as a hornet that was sprayed with cold water).

So my routine is to take a pill every time I wake up and I go right back to sleep within minutes. Last night, I would wake-up thinking that I'd already taken my pain medication and would fall back to sleep. Through the night, my pain increased as did my error in judgment. At one point, I dreamt that I had dislocated my new hip. This is the Ted Bundy of things that could take you by surprise following hip surgery. I laid there semi-conscious trying to decide whether I should crawl to the phone or wait until morning, and possibly force my granddaughter to make the call for me. I must have fallen back into slumberville, because I was reawaked by a loud thump that came from my pelvis - either I dreamt the reduction of my dislocation or somehow my strong inner self, feeling the need to take the helm, muscled the titanium head back in for me.

When I finally awoke at 0745, all my pain pills were on the stand where I had left them the night before, and most of my pain was still present. I had to wonder about that since I'd been worrying so much about dislocating my first prosthetic, that maybe I had a virtual dislocation in my sleep. Best thing to do was to consult my favorite physician.

Here is how our conversation went.

"Shaun, I think I dislocated my hip in bed last night."

"Oh hey buddy, that's terrible! Are you okay?"

"I am now."

"What caused it?"

"Well after hearing that you asked Paul to be your tandem partner, I became so angry, I had a virtual dislocation."

"Did you go to the hospital?"

"Didn't need to, I dreamt it back in a few minutes later."

"Does it still hurt?"

"No, it feels fine."

"Well I also had a dream where you dislocated your hip."

"You did? That's weird!"

"What's really weird is that I called Paul and we pulled on your leg until it slipped into its joint."

"So you're the one that reduced my dislocation and not me?"

"That's right good buddy, me and Paul. So maybe you need to lighten up and shed that grudge you're carrying."

"If this is true, what were you and Paul doing with your hands down my pants palpating my pelvis?"

"You were injured. You didn't expect us to ignore you?"

"Then why didn't you do something about my constipation? I told you yesterday that I was shitting cinder blocks! I have to jack hammer them to get the toilet to flush."

"Not my specialty. Better dream up one of your gastro-intestinal buddies for this one."

"Well, thanks for the hip job and good luck in tomorrow's race." (click)

**Re: BBRWR and my dreams…….\\
paul clement** \\
03/03/12 #12148

Shaun called me in a panic twice this week. On Monday he was all in a tizzy because Larry wasn't available for BBRWR and he needed a partner (turns out Shaun is afraid to go out in the light without Larry). Let's be clear, I do not claim to be a suitable replacement for Larry but I had to man up for this one because Shaun was in a bad spot and told me, "Hey buddy, I gotta get someone with an artificial joint. You got one right?". Well, I do, so there I was. Then the weirdest call. Really early Friday morning (more like the middle of the night) Shaun calls and says, "Hey buddy, Larry's hurting,i can feel it. We gotta go help him". Now, I'm an okay guy and all but I'm thinking this is weird. Anyway, short story long, shauns got the key and alarm code, we get in to the Goolsby castle, break for a snack and a beer, have some nice conversation but are having trouble hearing each other over Larry's screams in the other room. So we head in there and each of us has a pain med to dull the sensation of palpitating Larry's pelvis. It was a slow, quiet drive back to town…

You all have to promise not to tell Connie anything about this.

Oh, and Larry. The hip pain will fade away soon. About the constipation, as my nurse said, "this too shall pass".

I'll do you proud today. Looking forward to seeing you back in a boat.
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