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“Ask a Barnacle” or “The Oracle Of Duncan”
bflannelly50 12/18/21 #30728
In light of last weekend’s events at Deception Pass, I suggest we create some sort of a special service called “Ask a Barnacle.” These venerated gentlemen have collected lifetime’s worth of sage advice which they are willing to share with us, if we but ask. Sometimes, these pearls of wisdom are offered even without a request. For example, in the days preceding the race, Grand Master Howat described in exacting detail what would happen on that fateful day. His predictions were eerily accurate, right down to describing the shape of the stain that I would leave in my undergarments. Truly remarkable foresight.
But did I heed his unsolicited advice? No…because I was not in the right frame of mind to follow his wisdom. That can and should change.
The ancient Greeks would never consider going into battle or making any consequential decision without first consulting The Oracle of Delphi. In the same manner, we can guarantee the most favorable outcome if we consult “The Oracle Of Duncan” or “Ask a Barnacle” before any major endeavor.
Such questions may include, but are not limited to:
1) should I paddle on Bellingham Bay today?
2) which direction should I go?
3) what is the best combination of wind velocity, direction, and tide?
4) what type of leash should I use?
5) who is more intelligent and good looking: surfskiers or outrigger scum?
6) how long is my parking permit good for? (two hours)
7) what is the fastest land animal on earth? (the cheetah)
8) should I fake my orgasms? (yes)
The answers to all of life’s questions can be found so long as we are asking the right people. We are indeed fortunate to have such repositories of knowledge right here in our paddling community. All we need is some formal mechanism for seeking their guidance. An app? A website? A Magic Eight Ball? An “Airplane!” movie information desk? An NPR “Car Talk” style phone in program?
I’m not sure of the best way to proceed, but I do know that we have resources that should be cherished and utilized
-Father Flannelly
Nicholas Cryder 12/21/21 #30733
Take your stocking stuffing to the next level with the Magic 8 Ball, Barnacle Edition:
Nicholas Cryder
Larry Bussinger 12/21/21 #30734
Nicolas, that’s hilarious.
As was the post from Father Pat.
Larry Bussinger
